What does it really mean to “be human”?
In a world filled with violence, greed, and deep division, is it naïve to focus on the best of our humanity?
Last weekend, “The ‘Be Human’ Summit,” a Zoom conference based in Kyiv, brought together about 180 Ukrainians. I had the privilege of offering two translated presentations to this group of therapists and other professionals.
“Be Human” and its companion phrase, “Being Human,” are evocative names and powerful directions for all of us. What is “human,” and what is a “human being”? When someone acts selfishly or poorly, we often say, “They’re only human.” Yet we also praise a kind-hearted person of integrity as “a real human being”. The first expression acknowledges our capacity for self-obsession; the second reminds us of who we are when we live from our wholeness.
In our deepest longings, we aspire to something more than “What’s in it for me?” We long for connection, meaning, and ultimately, to love and be loved. Perhaps “only human” is merely a temporary stage on the path toward becoming a true Human Being.
Darwin spoke of two aspects of evolution: “competition for survival,” often used to justify human violence, and “cooperation for survival,” a part of his theory that is frequently overlooked. Competition itself is not necessarily negative. True sportsmanship recognizes how a worthy opponent can bring out the best in us. Still, the impulse toward destructive competition — “I win, you lose” — dominates much of those in power. Emphasizing cooperation can help us grow into fuller Human Beings.
Last year, I taught two Zoom seminars for Ukrainian therapists. I was surprised to find them good-humored, receptive, and deeply grateful for what I offered, even while bombs were falling around them! I had expected an atmosphere of fear and protectiveness. Their strong intention was to learn any ways to support their clients and themselves.
I discovered that in an environment filled with traumatic events, the value of becoming more fully present in the moment was valued even more deeply than it might be under ordinary circumstances. Our habitual, repetitive fear-based thoughts and images simply do not help us meet our moment with clarity and effectiveness.
“Be Human” Conference
Guiding embodied practices during the conference brought great relief to many participants. Comments such as, “I haven’t felt this peaceful in a very long time,” and “I really need to remember these simple but powerful practices,” affirmed that we were touching something essential. When feeling overwhelmed, sensing, “I am HERE, in this moment, grounded on THIS spot, breathing THIS breath,” can feel like a glass of water in the desert. Entering Presence, beyond thoughts of the future, allows our nervous system to find neutral for a few moments. This kind of “reset” is healing.
After helping participants arrive more fully in their bodies, I invited them to place their hands on their hearts and say, “Hello in there. How are you?” For those unfamiliar with this work, it might seem absurd to ask people living in a war zone, under constant threat, to connect with their feelings. Yet approaching one’s bodily-felt feelings with a bit of gentle distance — asking “How are you?” rather than “How am I?” — often creates a surprising sense of safety and relief.
One participant said, “How strange — something inside really let go when I did this. I’ve been afraid to enter my feelings, but somehow this made it feel safe.”
Shared Values and Connectivity
Within the delightful diversity of humanity, I continue to be awed by our commonality.
Currently, I am leading an international Zoom seminar on gratitude, based in China and translated into Mandarin. As participants share daily experiences of authentic gratitude, I am reminded again and again of our shared human values. We discover that gratitude is not dependent on external circumstances so much as it is an attitude — an openness to the ever-present gifts of life.
Although China is the primary audience, people from thirteen different countries are participating in the seminar. Human beings seem to know, perhaps intuitively, that gratitude is a doorway not only to greater joy, but also to something larger: a felt-sense of interconnection with life itself.
One woman from China shared her delight in drinking a “rose latte” from Starbucks. As she savored the flavor, she felt connected to all the people and conditions that made the drink possible: the barista, the driver who delivered the roses, the farmer who grew them, the earth, the rain, and countless unseen contributors. As Thich Nhat Hanh taught, every event arises from infinite causes and conditions. When we deeply sense this truth — not merely think about it intellectually — our relationship to life is transformed.
Many forces in today’s world seek to divide us. If life is understood only as a survival competition, there will always be winners and losers. The best negotiators don’t seek to humiliate or dominate their adversary. In the long run, a “win-win” is better for everyone than, “I win, you lose”. Balancing respectful competition with intelligent cooperation (not a naive “let’s be nice” attitude), is what ultimately leads toward more humane solutions for all.
As we grow our presence and gratitude for life, our sense of connection to and interconnection with all life naturally deepens. This is one of the lesser-spoken gifts of meditation. Interconnectivity brings a deep sense of “I am at home in this world; I am part of a greater body”. In working with people from many different cultures, it has become increasingly clear to me that we all seek this sense of meaningful connection. Beyond the shell of our separateness, we need each other to be truly whole. Collectively, we are on a path toward becoming true Human Beings.
And perhaps there is nothing more urgently needed — both for our own fulfillment and for creating the kind of world we hope to leave to our children and grandchildren.